Week 4 Power Rankings

Stop me if you've heard this before: Ryan Michael Mulhern is 3-0 (on his way to 6-1 (on his way to 7-6)). After a promising start Michael Joseph has begun his tailspin in earnest, and a few weeks earlier than initially projected. One team has weaseled its way to an above-.500 record (Commissionah!). But enough with the facts, let's get on to the fiction. Pulp Fiction, that is.



1. Optimo 55 Souf (3-0; prev: 2)

Let's not start sucking each other's popsicles just yet. We get it. You're excited that Yahoo! gave you so many projected points. But let's establish a very important ground rule, which is that no one else cares about such things. Congratulations on the team though... in a few short weeks, you'll have a quarterback controversy featuring an asshole, a dog killer and a bathroom rapist.

2. $2 six inch (2-1; prev: 4)

Pretty sure this is Adrian Peterson's wallet. May as well be Van Dorn's though, after amassing a 2-1 record despite the second highest points-against.

3. Favre's Flip Flops (2-1; prev: 3)

After two straight wins to open the season, this GM must have been salivating at the sight of one of the lowest scoring teams in the league in Week 3. Unfortunately for Favre's Flip Flops, the Commissionah brought his A-game, and to make matters worse, a Rams victory over the Redskins made Henning the only Week 3 Survivor casualty.

4. WOLFPACK (2-1; prev: 1)

Sunday must have felt something like this for The Joseph:

Van Dorn lighting it up? 

Ray Rice knee boo-boo? 

Jahvid Best toe jam?

Yeeesh.

5. Tom Izzos Fball Camp (1-2; prev: 7)

Congratulations to this owner on both the fantasy win and the pending nuptials! I'm certain that both events provide equal cheer. 

6. Whoopass (2-1; prev: 5)

A Big Kahuna Burger? Mind if I have a bite? 

The league's newcomer suffered his first taste of delicious defeat at the hands of the previously winless Enis Revival.

7. Knight Trimark (2-1; prev: 9)

"[Knight Trimark's running backs] died of dysentary." - Christopher Walken

8. Los Peros Grandes (1-2; prev: 8)

La Pero Pequeno gave the reigning #1 a good run but fell just short. Though he did have a sweet jheri curl in the late seventies.

9. Grenade (1-2; prev: 6)

Can't help but think that Vernon Davis requests this Travolta hairdo each time he goes to the salon.

10.  Curtis Enis Revival (1-2; prev: 12)

Opened up the briefcase and found the team does indeed have a soul... and a little of it dies each time Brett Favre is listed at starter. The QB situation is getting desperate and I'm not above snagging Jimmy Clausen off of free agency.

11. Prone Cobras (0-3; prev: 10)

Bowed and bloodied, but not broken. This GM will hope for its first victory against an injury-depleted WOLFPACK.

12. The IFF (1-2; prev: 11)

Team in crapper. Tough to move a guy down after a loss, but also can't give too much credit for having the good fortune to play one of the two teams which stunk marginally less. But if past performance is any indicator, this GM will have some shrewd moves up his sleeve.

Survivor Picks - Week Three

Szatko's Posthumous Survivor Entry: Tampa Bay Bucs

Week 3 Survivor - Preview

This week's lines, as well as the lovely ladies below, brought to you by Bodog. Picks by Saturday, per usual.

Sunday
Tennessee at NY Giants (-3)
Buffalo at New England (-14.5)
Cleveland at Baltimore (NL)
Pittsburgh (-3) at Tampa Bay
Cincinnati (-3.5) at Carolina
Atlanta at New Orleans (-4)
San Francisco (-3) at Kansas City
Detroit at Minnesota (-11)
Dallas at Houston (-3)
Washington (-4) at St. Louis
Philadelphia (-3) at Jacksonville
Indianapolis (-6) at Denver
San Diego (-6) at Seattle
Oakland at Arizona (-4.5)
NY Jets at Miami (-1.5)

Monday
Green Bay (-3) at Chicago

Week 3 Power Rankings

1. WOLFPACK (2-0; prev: 2) – The only blemish in The Year of Martinez is the poorly timed pick against the Bears in Survivor. Keep that cell phone off. I’m sure the trade vultures are circling after Jahvid Best’s monster day.

2. Optimo 55 Souf (2-0; prev: 1) – Cutler, Vick, and Roethlisberger make up a talented QB core. Shipping one out could make this powerful team even stronger. Arian Foster slowed a little in Week 2, but should be a top 12 back the rest of the way. If MJD gets on track, look out world.

3. Farve's Flip Flops (2-0; prev: 3) – Could be tops in the league if Percy Harvin wasn’t so useless. Reggie Bush’s broken leg should boost Pierre Thomas into elite status.

4. $2 six inch (1-1; prev: 4) – Forte has been fantastic in the receiving game with 3 TDS, if the Bears ever get going on the ground, he could return to 2008 form. Big matchup vs The WOLFPACK could produce a shakeup in the rankings.

5. Whoopass (2-0; prev: 6t) – Missed out on a potentially monster day from Turner with an early injury. Luckily, the Big Dog wasn’t so big of an opponent. Timing is everything.

6. Grenade (1-1; prev: 6t) – With the Martinez Farm System dried up, ITC is looking for new avenues to improve his club. Overtures for Miles Austin and Lesean McCoy were politely declined.

7. Tom Izzo's Fball Camp (0-2; prev: 4) – Once again facing one of the tougher schdules in the league, Jablonski starts out slow. With only average point totals produced, can’t feel too bad. Team may only go far when Chris Johnson and Jamaal Charles break off long runs.

8. Los Peros Grandes (1-1; prev: 8) – One of the most meager point outputs in league history, but he didn’t drop in the ranks. It really speaks to the lack of quality behind him than his own Big Doggedness.

9. Knight Trimark (1-1; prev: 12) – Got out of the basement thanks to a poor effort from my co-scribe. A win is a win, but based on talent, this may be the worst team in the league.

10. Prone Cobras (0-2; prev: 10) – Ryan Mathews leaving early didn’t help his Week 2 cause. Michael Crabtree looking like bust isn’t helping either. Eli getting outdone by big bro was probably the worst.

11. The IFF (0-2; prev: 9) – Joe Flacco sucks. Thanks, had to get that off my chest. Brandon Jackson didn’t help nearly as much as hoped, but Miles Austin and Lesean McCoy look like the real deal. With Moss away from Revis Island, maybe he can break out and lead a Week 3 win.

12. Curtis Enis Revival (0-2; prev: 11) – Maybe the rumored Vincent Jackson to Minnesota trade will lead to a Brett Favre Revival. With Shonn Greene losing value by the second, Zinski needs a little hope from old Gray Beard.

Survivor Picks - Week Two

Week 2 Survivor - Preview

Szatko and Yours Truly bowed out pathetically in Week One. For the ten remaining Survivors, Week 2 games are listed below. A reminder that you cannot pick a team you have already picked.

Sunday
Kansas City at Cleveland (NL)
Buffalo at Green Bay (-14)
Baltimore (-2) at Cincinnati
Pittsburgh at Tennessee (-5.5)
Philadelphia (-6) at Detroit
Chicago at Dallas (-9)
Tampa Bay at Carolina (NL)
Arizona at Atlanta (-7)
Miami at Minnesota (-6)
St. Louis at Oakland (-3.5)
Seattle at Denver (-3.5)
Houston (-3) at Washington
Jacksonville at San Diego (-7)
New England (-3) at NY Jets
NY Giants at Indianapolis (-6)

Monday
New Orleans (-6) at San Francisco

Your updated Survivor Board:

Abstract Power Poll

Work has been rough this week. More creative (and prompt) Power Poll next time. For now...

1. Optimo 55 Souf (1-0; prev: 12) - A typically hot start from Mulberry

2. WOLFPACK (1-0; prev: 1) - On the right track to that elusive playoff berth

3. Farve's Flip Flops (1-0; prev: 2) - On the right track to that elusive playoff berth

4. $2 six inch (0-1; prev: 5) - Despite unfortunate Week 1 matchup, good things to come for this solid team

5. Tom Izzo's Fball Camp (0-1; prev: 4) - Newsflash: Chris Johnson Still Good

6(t). Grenade (1-0; prev: 7), Whoopass (1-0; prev: 10) - Both Crowells put up opening week W's despite mediocre point totals

8. Los Peros Grandes (1-0; prev: 3) - Had the good fortune to play Knight Trimark in Week 1

9. The IFF (0-1; prev: 12) - Would be 12th based purely on Week 1 results, but Brandon Jackson pickup is essentially a free 3rd or 4th round draft pick

10. Prone Cobras (0-1; prev: 9) - Staring at 0-2 withWeek 2 matchup with Optimo 55 Souf

11. Curtis Enis Revival (0-1; prev: 6), 12. Knight Trimark (0-1; prev: 8) - Week 2 matchup between these juggernauts is the fantasy equivalent of Lions vs. Rams. Look for highlights on ESPN8: The Ocho

Joseph Look-a-Like Finalist! And You Thought Adams/Weiner Was Good....

Who looks more like the Joseph??

Left or Right? Decision 2010, YOU DECIDE!

BODOG POUNDDOG!!

BODOG POUNDDOG WRAP UP FROM LAST EVENING

4 for 4 babay

Lets start posting biiiiggg wins kiddos.

2 Team Parlay #185244827 (Placed by Web)
Football - NFL Lines (Game) Point Spread
WEEK 1
(479) Baltimore Ravens +1 Mon@6:20p


*Final Scores*
Baltimore Ravens 10
New York Jets 9
Football - NFL Lines (Game) Total
WEEK 1
(479) Baltimore Ravens vs. (480) New York Jets Under 36 (-115) Mon@6:20p


*Final Scores*
Baltimore Ravens 10
New York Jets 9
Outcome:
Win


Risk US$ 20.00 to win *US$ 51.38*




Date placed:
Sep 13, 2010 5:59p

Date settled:
Sep 14, 2010 12:18a
2 Team Parlay #185242572 (Placed by Web)
Football - NFL Lines (Game) Point Spread
WEEK 1
(479) Baltimore Ravens +1 Mon@6:20p


*Final Scores*
Baltimore Ravens 10
New York Jets 9
Football - NFL Lines (Game) Moneyline
WEEK 1
(482) Kansas City Chiefs +180 Mon@9:15p


*Final Scores*
San Diego Chargers 14
Kansas City Chiefs 21
Outcome:
Win


Risk US$ 10.00 to win *US$ 43.45*




Date placed:
Sep 13, 2010 5:58p

Date settled:
Sep 13, 2010 9:34p
Single #185242049 (Placed by Web)
Football - NFL Lines (Game) Point Spread
WEEK 1
(479) Baltimore Ravens +1 Mon@6:20p


*Final Scores*
Baltimore Ravens 10
New York Jets 9
Outcome:
Win


Risk US$ 50.00 to win *US$ 45.45*




Date placed:
Sep 13, 2010 5:57p

Date settled:
Sep 14, 2010 12:18a
4 Team Parlay #185241667 (Placed by Web)
Football - NFL Lines (Game) Point Spread
WEEK 1
(479) Baltimore Ravens +1 Mon@6:20p


*Final Scores*
Baltimore Ravens 10
New York Jets 9
Football - NFL Lines (Game) Total
WEEK 1
(479) Baltimore Ravens vs. (480) New York Jets Under 36 (-115) Mon@6:20p


*Final Scores*
Baltimore Ravens 10
New York Jets 9
Football - NFL Lines (Game) Total
WEEK 1
(481) San Diego Chargers vs. (482) Kansas City Chiefs Under 45½ Mon@9:15p


*Final Scores*
San Diego Chargers 14
Kansas City Chiefs 21
Football - NFL Lines (Game) Point Spread
WEEK 1
(482) Kansas City Chiefs +5 (-115) Mon@9:15p


*Final Scores*
San Diego Chargers 14
Kansas City Chiefs 21
Outcome:
Win


Risk US$ 20.00 to win *US$ 234.78*

Survivor Picks - Week One

Who will be lose out faster than Paris Hilton in a Chastity Contest?

Is This Anytime??

For your gambling pleasure take Auburn(-1) @ Mississippi State tonight.

If I'm wrong, which I don't plan on being, I will refrain from posting these for at least another week or so.

Survivor Ground Rules

Hey all,

I just wanted to establish ground rules for Survivor and set a precedent for how picks will work this year. As you know you will be picking one team each week to win their game (straight up, not against the spread). You can only pick a team once, so for example, if your Week 1 pick is for the Bears to beat the Lions, you can't pick the Bears the rest of the competition. One loss and you're out (hence, "Survivor").

Each week's pick should be in my Gmail inbox by midnight Saturday, and I will post all picks to the blog sometime Sunday morning. Once I make the post, all picks contained therein are "final" and cannot be changed. Anyone who has not emailed me a selection by the time I post the group's picks will be forced to pick the Monday night game (I will make a separate post containing these "belated" picks, but let's try to avoid this).

In the event that I can't make the post prior to the noon games starting, I will call the Commish to lock in my pick, so there is never any question as to the integrity of my pick.

A reminder that the winner of Survivor nets a cool $200...

So again, email me your pick by midnight Saturday. Here are the Week 1 games along with the spreads, courtesy of Bodog (for entertainment purposes only):

Thursday
Minnesota @ New Orleans (-6)

Sunday
Carolina @ NY Giants (-7)
Miami (-3) @ Buffalo
Atlanta (-2.5) @ Pittsburgh
Detroit @ Chicago (-6.5)
Cincinnati @ New England (-4.5)
Cleveland @ Tampa Bay (-3)
Denver @ Jacksonville (-3)
Indianapolis (-2.5) @ Houston
Oakland @ Tennessee (-6)
Green Bay (-3) @ Philadelphia
San Francisco (-3) @ Seattle
Arizona (-4) @ St. Louis
Dallas (-3.5) @ Washington

Monday
Baltimore @ NY Jets (-2.5)
San Diego (-4.5) @ Kansas City