Week 12 Power Rankings

Back after a brief hiatus. A multitude of factors (pending fatherhood, one fantasy GM's wedding, perpetual fantasy ineptness of the blog's two main scribes) led to last week being the first week without power rankings in at least 3 years. Collective apologies. Without further adieu...

1. Optimo 55 Souf (9-2-1; prev: 2)
Probably should never have been dropped from the #1 spot. Though this team has sputtered down the stretch, it remains in the conversation of best regular-season squads in league history alongside 2006's "Total Shooters" and 2009's "Forte Forte Club," neither of whom, it should be noted, went on to win in the playoffs.

2. Tom Izzos Fball Camp (7-5; prev: 3)
The most consistent team in the league over the last 7 or 8 weeks despite a roster that, on paper, doesn't really look that scary beyond Chris Johnson. Will be a threat come playoff time.

3. WOLFPACK (6-4-2; prev: 1)
Will fly as far as the Eagles (Vick, DeSean) can carry him. Team has less diversity than Naperville. The Eagles get to face the Texans' version of "defense" this week, which bodes well for WOLFPACK.

4. Whoopass (7-5; prev: 4)
Completely erratic over the last seven weeks (3 weeks over 106, 3 weeks under 82), making this team a dangerous opponent any given week, but unlikely to make a deep run in the playoffs.


5. Knight Trimark (6-6; prev: 8)
The inconspicuously named running back corps of Mike Goodson and Fred Jackson has led this team to three straight high-scoring weeks, taking the commish from a likely spin in the consolation bracket to near-lock status for the playoffs (and a tough first round out, at that). Could be as high as a 5-seed with a big win over the cellar-dweller this week.

6. Grenade (6-6; prev: 6)
This GM might be a bit distracted by the novelty of married life (congrats, amigo!) but is a near-lock to make the playoffs. Can only miss out by both (a) losing to Favre's Flip Flops and (b) being outscored by over 10 points by The IFF in an IFF victory over WOLFPACK.

7. $2 six inch (7-5; prev: 5)
Through eight weeks, this was the most consistent team in the league and the biggest threat to an Optimo 55 Souf title. Suddenly the wheels fell off, and $2 six inch hasn't topped 86 points since the first week of November. This team is hobbling into the playoffs with bum-leg (obscure Tyler Feret reference!), and will be scaring precisely no one, despite the fact that it could conceivably finish as high as the #2 seed.

8. The IFF (5-7; prev: 10)
Was among the worst teams in the league just a few short weeks ago, and made a trade that was widely ridiculed by almost everyone. In retrospect, that trade looks pretty good considering Randy Moss fell off immediately and Aaron Rodgers has been shooting rainbows out of his butthole. A win over WOLFPACK would, in all likelihood, send this team to the playoffs as the 8-seed, which would be a pretty tough first-round matchup for Optimo 55 Souf.


9. Favre's Flip Flops (4-6-2; prev: 7)
Earlier in the year, this GM looked like a shoo-in to make the playoffs for the first time ever, and was a dark horse contender for the title. Now, Week 13 is a must-win just to make the playoffs, and the opposition is a red-hot Grenade squad. This GM's year-over-year improvement is impressive regardless of the outcome, but will it all be for naught?

10. Prone Cobras (3-7-2; prev: 11)
Has shown friskiness in the past 4 weeks but it will be too little, too late for Prone Cobras. It is quite an indictment of this team's draft that it successfully picked up the year's two biggest free agents (Peyton Hillis and Steve Johnson) and faced the league's softest schedule, yet still could not crack the postseason. Editor's note: The author of the previous sentence used two of his top three picks on Shonn Greene and Steve Smith.

11. Los Peros Grandes (5-7;  prev: 9)
Somehow, this team still has a chance at making the playoffs. I know a certain #1 seed who is imploring his Ouija board to make it so.

12. Curtis Enis Revival (3-8-1; prev: 12)
What more can be said - this team showed about as much heart as its namesake, whom you'll recall, retired at age 27 because he was tired, or something. All that's left is to try to play spoiler to Knight Trimark's playoff quest and then give it a go in the loser's bracket.

Week 9 Power Rankings

In which we salute our Week 9 overlord.

1. Optimo 55 Souf (8-0-1; prev: 1)
Week 9’s victory combined with a $2 six inch loss all but sewed up the regular season title (and $440) for Mulberry. Arian Foster in the 4th round was the best pick of the draft, and there really wasn’t a close second. A testament to this team’s depth is that 4 out of 5 bench players scored in double digits. Am I trying to heap as much praise as possible in hopes of some kind of reverse jinx? Yes. Yes I am.

2. $2 six inch (6-3; prev: 2)
While Optimo has been perceived as a clear-cut #1 all season long, TVD is not far behind in total points. And while Optimo has more firepower and a higher ceiling on a week-to-week basis, $2 six inch has been more consistent, with only two weeks under 91 points all season long. Come playoff time, that consistency might help this GM shed his stigma as the Marty Schottenheimer of the league.

Pictured above: Theodore, 40 years hence.

3. WOLFPACK (5-2-2; prev: 8)
Fresh off the highest-scoring week anyone’s had all year, this GM is already getting nervous farts at the prospect of his first playoff appearance since the league’s inaugural, 8-team, Everyone-Gets-Participation-Trophies-And-Makes-The-Playoffs season.

4. Whoopass (6-3; prev: 6)
The decision to drop Aaron Hernandez in order to pick up Aaron Hernandez’s backup remains a head-scratcher. But the W’s keep piling up!

5. Top Izzos Fball Camp (5-4; prev: 4)
With five players on a bye week, was literally forced to mold his lineup together using scotch tape and yarn.

Tom Izzos Fball Camp prepares for its Week 9 matchup with Whoopass.

6. Grenade (4-5; prev: 5)
Going out on a not-very-big limb, but this is the only sub-.500 team I can see winning a playoff game. Lineup just looks so much better after the multitude of trades, and that’s not even taking into account the presence of Danny Amendola, who is just dreamy.

His business card says: "I'll call you."

7. Favre’s Flip Flops (3-4-2; prev: 3)
Had an off-week, but this GM is still destined for his first ever trip to the playoffs barring something ridiculous happening.

Five teams. One playoff spot.

8. Prone Cobras (2-5-2; prev: 9t)
Peyton Hillis and Danny Woodhead led the way in an unexpected annihilation of Favre’s Flip Flops. This is undoubtedly the first ever fantasy victory by a team with two white running backs.

9. Knight Trimark (3-6; prev: 7)
Knight Trimark (team):2010::Knight Trimark (stock):1999

Somewhere, Ryan Michael Mulhern's hard-earned TurtleWax paycheck softly weeps.

10. Curtis Enis Revival (2-6-1; prev: 9t)
Might want to quit this league and join one sponsored by the AARP: Is 2-0 against the league’s “fathers” and 0-6-1 against fellow NCHS Class of ‘02’ers.

Fellow members of Curtis Enis Revival's 2011 fantasy league plot their strategies.

11. Los Peros Grandes (4-5; prev: 11)
The self-proclaimed Bigg Dogg is behaving a bit more catlike these days.

Jeffrey Guy's sensei.

12. The IFF (2-7; prev: 12)
Can’t fault the rationale on the Rodgers trade, but it sure left the cupboard bare. Not in terrible shape from here on out, but probably has the worst odds at grabbing that last playoff spot.

Dwight Schrute opines on The IFF's quixotic playoff quest.

Week 7 Power Rankings

Playoffs!?!

1. Optimo 55 Souf (6-0-1; prev: 1)
Still the best team in the league; gets a little better with the acquisition of Thomas Jones to beef up the RB/Flex slot. Might wish he had Vick if Captain Rapestand returns to early-season form after his bye week, but Roethlisberger shows minimal signs of rusty trombone... er, rust.

2. $2 six inch (6-1; prev: 2)
About to endure a mother-bye week which might bring about a second loss and provide some breathing room for Optimo at the top of the standings. Is being forced to start something called a Jacob Tamme this week.

3. Whoopass (5-2; prev: 5)
About to embark upon the toughest stretch of any GM's schedule all season: plays teams 1, 4, 5, and 2 on this list in the next four weeks.

4. Tom Izzos Fball Camp (4-3; prev: 4)
There's no "I" in Team, but there's lots of "A's" in Jamaal.

5. WOLFPACK (4-1-2; prev: 3)
Appeared well on his way to 5-1-1, needing only one more inevitable point for the victory, when suddenly, SNAP went Tony Romo's collarbone. Hello, tie! Made two quick trades in the 24 hours after the Monday night game ended. Let us analyze them:

-Trades Thomas Jones to Optimo 55 Souf for Michael Vick
Judgment: Probably a win-win. WOLFPACK needed an every-week QB to replace Romo, and Optimo had one to spare. Only criticism is that WOLFPACK probably could have held out and made the same trade next week; Vick is on a bye this week and Jones would have been useful for one more week.

-Trades Ray Rice, Visanthe Shiancoe, and Anthony Armstrong to Grenade for Cedric Benson, Vernon Davis, and Terrell Owens
Judgment: An upgrade at TE and WR for a modest downgrade at RB, which isn't too bad considering Rice has been inconsistent this year. Good trade for the WOLFPACK. Grenade clearly eyeing 2011 as a comeback year, with Rice a better keeper option than any of the players he sent away.

General Commentary: Two extremely competent trades by the GM derisively (but deservedly) labeled "Millen" for many years. We may have to change the name of this blog.

Apparently you CAN teach an old dog new tricks!

6. Favre's Flip Flops (2-3-2; prev: 7)
The beneficiary of Mr. Romo's busted clavicle.

7. Knight Trimark (3-4; prev: 6)
Appeared to have met Optimo 55 Souf at just the right time; Roddy White and Dez Bryant had other ideas. Another trade along the magnitude of Danny Woodhead-for-Heath Miller might help bump this GM into the top half of the ladder.

8. The IFF (2-5; prev: 8)
Considered bumping this former Power Rankings co-author down a peg or two based upon his lacking participation in the blog, but couldn't do it... not because his lacking participation is excusable, but because the next four teams are just SO bad...

9. Los Peros Grandes (3-4; prev: 11)
Not a good team, but somehow sitting a playoff spot with his next two games against teams that are a combined 3-11. Seems likely to weasel his way into the knockout stages only to be cannon fodder for Optimo 55 Souf or $2 six inch.

10. Grenade (2-5; prev: 9)
Still a potential playoff team, but seemed to throw up the white flag for 2010 with the Ray Rice trade. All things considered, not a bad deal if that was the plan: Rodgers and Rice will be a good nucleus for next year.

11. Prone Cobras (1-5-1; prev: 10) & 12. Curtis Enis Revival (1-6; prev: 12)
These two titans of the fantasy gridiron will duke it out for the right to not take up the cellar in next week's power rankings. Oy vey.

Week 5 Power Rankings

These lackluster Power Rankings brought to you by Kwik-E-Mart, because I spent approximately 26 seconds coming up with them.

1. Optimo 55 Souf (4-0-1; prev: 1)
Dream of perfect 13-0 season derailed by wily fantasy performance from Henning.

2. $2 six inch (4-1; prev: 2)
Quietly consistent, easily the #1 contender for the top spot.

3. Whoopass (4-1; prev: 4)
Now the league's all-time win percentage leader! (See Right)

4. WOLFPACK (3-1-1; prev: 5)
Back on track, proving once again that a matchup with Los Peros Grandes is the cure for all ailments.

5. Favre's Flip Flops (2-2-1; prev: 3)
Thank you thank you thank you for serving Optimo some humble pie.

6. Tom Izzos Fball Camp (2-3; prev: 6)
Another consistent team, with only one week under 89 points. 


7. Grenade (2-3; prev: 8)
Fantasy loss to his father will surely come up at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

8. Knight Trimark (2-3; prev: 9)
Backhanded compliment of the day: Not quite as terrible as previously thought.

9. The IFF (2-3; prev: 12)
Previously impotent team found new life thanks to new avatar (Cigar Guy!) and, ahem, 38 points from his kicker and defense.

10. Los Peros Grandes (2-3; prev: 7)
Three out of five weeks at 72 or fewer points.

11. Curtis Enis Revival (1-4; prev: 10)
Two straight weeks as the victim of the Toyota Biggest Fantasy Blowout!

12. Prone Cobras (0-4-1; prev: 11)
Only a feeble 56-56 tie in Week 4 keeping this team from perfect imperfection

Week 4 Power Rankings

I'll fill in this week since Bobo is still licking his wounds from another lackluster performance. Have you seen this guys running backs? If his running backs were a Hollywood career, they would be the equivalent of a Carrot Top AT&T commercial. If his running backs were a stock they would be Knight Trimark/Knight Capital Group. If his running backs were a movie it would be Corky Romano. Ok, I digress.

1. Optimo 55 Souf (4-0; prev:1). At this point in the season ole Dollars and Cents clearly has the best team in the league. His running backs are bosses and Arian Foster is looking like an early season MVP. Only weak spot might be at tight end. We need injuries to bring this team back to the pack....either injuries or week 7-13 when Mr. Rediculous has gone a combined 0-14 the past two seasons. He won't be doing The Dougie for long.

2. $2 six inch (3-1; prev:2). The $2 whore survived AP's bye week, and when you have a player like him out of the lineup that's all you can ask for. His starting lineup looked rather inept, but he scored just enough to outlast his "competition," for lack of a better word. Running back depth may be a problem down the road if the Bears continue to play keep away from Forte, but AP will more than make up for it.

3. Favre's Flip Flops (2-2; prev:3). This team got rocked by injuries in Week 3, and being forced to start an inactive Andre Johnson ultimately was the difference in losing his second in a row. This team is solid and should continue to push towards that coveted playoff berth for the Fightin' John Kerry's.

4. Whoopass (3-1; prev:6). I'm not really sure what to make of this team, but the record speaks for itself. Maybe dropping Jason Witten wasn't such a bad move after all. If Marques Colston would pull his head out of his ass and Stephen Jackson can avoid the annual injury, I expect to see Mr. Whoopie towards the top half of the standings for most of the year.

5. WOLFPACK (2-1-1; prev: 4). That sound you just heard was The Joseph beginning to freak out about the potential collapse of his team. Things don't look horrible yet, but if nagging injuries to his running backs continue to be an issue, you can all expect The Joseph to work the lines and get some blockbuster trades lined up. And that my friends, is when this league starts to get fun.

6. Tom Izzo's Football Camp (1-3; prev:5). The Football Camp scores a lot of points, but comes up empty. I've got a joke for you: Mike Sims-Walker. Too soon? This squad needs Pruitt to deliver the facilityone.com manila folder to Chris Johnson and his receivers to get them back on track for Izzo.

7. Los Peros Grandes (2-2; prev: 8). Able to manage a 2-2 start with both his starting receivers yet to put together a complete game. The Monday Night performance by Rickie Williams combined with the recent trade of Marshawn Lynch to the Seahawks has to have the Pero feeling like a dog off the leash. I'm sure only Spanish will now be heard this week from 209 Arlington Ave.

8. Grenade (2-2; prev:9). The Grenade Launcher got the victory this week thanks in large(maybe in-all) part to Terrell Owens. He was due for a breakout game and delivered one. The running back position has to be a cause for concern, but this active GM is sure to make a move to improve things shortly. I believe Martinez may have a few missed calls already.

9. Knight Trimark (2-2; prev:7). This team is performing just like the stock itself. Peaking early, and crashing down as soon as it's bought back on that glorious lunch period at NCHS in 1999 . The running back situation is putrid for Sir Knight, and rooting for injuries to other team's starting running backs is not something this GM is proud of. With that said, things could finally pan out with the Michael Bush Experiment.

10. Curtis Enis Revival (1-3; prev:10). Where do we start? This team takes one step forward and two back. He eclipses the 90 point mark this week, but also loses Steve Smith for the near future. Willis McGahee will get the starting nod this week, that is not a typo. The constant Shonn Greene roasting has got to take it's toll on this GM, he may be better off dropping Shonn Greene for Ahman Green.

11. Prone Cobras (0-3-1; prev:11). What looked like a safe and sound victory was snatched away by the former Hoosier, BenJarvisGreenEllis on Monday night. One more yard by a pathetic Ronnie Brown would have given Mr. Cobra his first victory of the year. Injuries and Alex Smith avoiding Michael Crabtree have hurt this team, but things can't get much worse from this point.

12. The IFF (1-3; prev:12). The Pittsburgh Pirates of The Joseph. Bobo may be rethinking his draft strategy....but then again, it may have been worse had Zinski not grabbed Shonn Greene in the first round and Bobo would have been stuck with his useless ass. IFF's running back situation now that McCoy is out is as bad as Cuba Gooding Jr's acting career post Jerry Maguire. Is Snooki available on the waiver wire?

Week 4 Power Rankings

Stop me if you've heard this before: Ryan Michael Mulhern is 3-0 (on his way to 6-1 (on his way to 7-6)). After a promising start Michael Joseph has begun his tailspin in earnest, and a few weeks earlier than initially projected. One team has weaseled its way to an above-.500 record (Commissionah!). But enough with the facts, let's get on to the fiction. Pulp Fiction, that is.



1. Optimo 55 Souf (3-0; prev: 2)

Let's not start sucking each other's popsicles just yet. We get it. You're excited that Yahoo! gave you so many projected points. But let's establish a very important ground rule, which is that no one else cares about such things. Congratulations on the team though... in a few short weeks, you'll have a quarterback controversy featuring an asshole, a dog killer and a bathroom rapist.

2. $2 six inch (2-1; prev: 4)

Pretty sure this is Adrian Peterson's wallet. May as well be Van Dorn's though, after amassing a 2-1 record despite the second highest points-against.

3. Favre's Flip Flops (2-1; prev: 3)

After two straight wins to open the season, this GM must have been salivating at the sight of one of the lowest scoring teams in the league in Week 3. Unfortunately for Favre's Flip Flops, the Commissionah brought his A-game, and to make matters worse, a Rams victory over the Redskins made Henning the only Week 3 Survivor casualty.

4. WOLFPACK (2-1; prev: 1)

Sunday must have felt something like this for The Joseph:

Van Dorn lighting it up? 

Ray Rice knee boo-boo? 

Jahvid Best toe jam?

Yeeesh.

5. Tom Izzos Fball Camp (1-2; prev: 7)

Congratulations to this owner on both the fantasy win and the pending nuptials! I'm certain that both events provide equal cheer. 

6. Whoopass (2-1; prev: 5)

A Big Kahuna Burger? Mind if I have a bite? 

The league's newcomer suffered his first taste of delicious defeat at the hands of the previously winless Enis Revival.

7. Knight Trimark (2-1; prev: 9)

"[Knight Trimark's running backs] died of dysentary." - Christopher Walken

8. Los Peros Grandes (1-2; prev: 8)

La Pero Pequeno gave the reigning #1 a good run but fell just short. Though he did have a sweet jheri curl in the late seventies.

9. Grenade (1-2; prev: 6)

Can't help but think that Vernon Davis requests this Travolta hairdo each time he goes to the salon.

10.  Curtis Enis Revival (1-2; prev: 12)

Opened up the briefcase and found the team does indeed have a soul... and a little of it dies each time Brett Favre is listed at starter. The QB situation is getting desperate and I'm not above snagging Jimmy Clausen off of free agency.

11. Prone Cobras (0-3; prev: 10)

Bowed and bloodied, but not broken. This GM will hope for its first victory against an injury-depleted WOLFPACK.

12. The IFF (1-2; prev: 11)

Team in crapper. Tough to move a guy down after a loss, but also can't give too much credit for having the good fortune to play one of the two teams which stunk marginally less. But if past performance is any indicator, this GM will have some shrewd moves up his sleeve.

Abstract Power Poll

Work has been rough this week. More creative (and prompt) Power Poll next time. For now...

1. Optimo 55 Souf (1-0; prev: 12) - A typically hot start from Mulberry

2. WOLFPACK (1-0; prev: 1) - On the right track to that elusive playoff berth

3. Farve's Flip Flops (1-0; prev: 2) - On the right track to that elusive playoff berth

4. $2 six inch (0-1; prev: 5) - Despite unfortunate Week 1 matchup, good things to come for this solid team

5. Tom Izzo's Fball Camp (0-1; prev: 4) - Newsflash: Chris Johnson Still Good

6(t). Grenade (1-0; prev: 7), Whoopass (1-0; prev: 10) - Both Crowells put up opening week W's despite mediocre point totals

8. Los Peros Grandes (1-0; prev: 3) - Had the good fortune to play Knight Trimark in Week 1

9. The IFF (0-1; prev: 12) - Would be 12th based purely on Week 1 results, but Brandon Jackson pickup is essentially a free 3rd or 4th round draft pick

10. Prone Cobras (0-1; prev: 9) - Staring at 0-2 withWeek 2 matchup with Optimo 55 Souf

11. Curtis Enis Revival (0-1; prev: 6), 12. Knight Trimark (0-1; prev: 8) - Week 2 matchup between these juggernauts is the fantasy equivalent of Lions vs. Rams. Look for highlights on ESPN8: The Ocho

Preseason Power Rankings

Because I know you’d all miss me if I weren’t here, I give to you my thoughts on each team’s Best Pick, Bust Pick and of course, the post-draft Power Rankings.


1. WOLFPACK (Best: Ray Rice ; Bust: Chad Ochocinco) – You guys ready to let the dogs out? The one-man WOLFPACK starts out the year at number one. Ray Rice? AWESOME! Tony Romo? AWESOME! DeSean Jackson? AWESOME! Lions rookie RB with questionable injury history? DOUBLE RAINBOW AWESOME!! Martinez is taking no prisoners or trade offers in 2010. I predict a 16-0 season and Fantasy Championship for our namesake.

2. Favre’s Flip Flops (Best: Andre Johnson ; Bust: Joseph Addai) – As a perennial cellar dweller, Henning came out swinging with an excellent draft. Andre Johnson anchored a title team last year and very well could again. Joseph Addai’s value mostly came from visiting the end zone last year, if he can repeat that, the FFF will be in great shape.

3. Los Peros Grandes (Best: Greg Jennings ; Bust: Marion Barber) – The elder Butryn is out to prove he can bounce back from the Donovan McNabb era. With Tom Brady two years removed from knee surgery, I expect him to pick up the pace from a solid 2009. Greg Jennings as the top target on a high powered Green Bay team should also see strong improvement from a pedestrian 2009.

4. Tom Izzos Fball Camp (Best: Chris Johnson ; Bust: Hines Ward) – Chris Johnson and Chris Johnson Lite (Jamaal Charles) nearly won me the league last year, so I’m a believer. Jermichael over Gates was ballsy, but I think it’ll pay off; he’s been a monster in the preseason. If Hines Ward isn’t dead yet, this could again be a team on the rise. But if memory serves, Teams That Play Jablonski tend to bring their “A” game.

5. $2 Six Inch (Best: Dallas Clark ; Bust: Brandon Marshall) – His name suggests he’s only going to be half as good this year, and without Drew Brees, he might be. Admittedly, this ranking is based a bit on a good track record of general managing. The solid, but unspectacular lineup headed All Day may hinge on McNabb’s relocation if TVD wishes to stay in the top half of the ranks.

6. Curtis Enis Revival (Best: Shonn Greene ; Bust: Brett Favre) – I liked the Greene/Mendenhall pairing to start out the new keeper league. I can’t say the same for Brett Favre. Another Old Face/New Place with Anquan Boldin headed to Baltimore and out of Larry Fitzgerald’s shadow. Fingers crossed Golden Tate can make Matt HasselQuarterback look as good as he made Jimmy Clausen last year.

7. Grenade (Best: Aaron Rodgers ; Bust: Larry Fitzgerald) – The 2009 Champion didn’t exactly draft for a keeper league, but he’s got some good talent. Aaron Rodgers is preseason MVP and Ced Benson’s contract drive could have him topping his stellar 2009 numbers. If Anderson/Lienart can carve up defenses like they did against the vaunted average terrible Bears defense, Fitzgerald should be just fine.

8. Knight Trimark (Best: Drew Brees ; Bust: Beanie Wells) – Drew Brees’ ascent to the top of the QB ranks led The Big Easy to the Super Bowl in 2009. Will the Madden curse derail the Saints and the Commish at the same time? Doubt it. Tim Hightower might eat into Beanie’s touches just enough to drop him from potential RB1 status.

9. Prone Cobras (Best: Ryan Grant ; Bust: Ryan Mathews) – Zat Daddy sure is banking a lot on a rookie runner and an O-Line missing its starting tackle. Mathews will be good, but 7th overall good? That’s asking a lot. Good youth here in a pair a high upside second year receivers. I wonder if Eli will be able throw better in the wind at New Meadowlands than he did at the dearly departed Old Meadowlands.

10. Whoopass (Best: Michael Turner ; Bust: Steven Jackson) – Newest member to league gets a rude welcome with a low entry into the ranks. Appears to be some solid parts here in the starting lineup, but old vets Housh, Roy Williams, and Laurence Maroney might need some little blue pills to get in the action.

11. The IFF (Best: Miles Austin ; Bust: Felix Jones) – After running through the league in 2009 with a dominant ground game, wild changes are in store for the coming season. The WR/WR strategy backfired in 2008, and it very well could again. Here’s hoping the Kardashian Connection can deliver Miles Austin some fantasy glory. Right now, The IFF feels like an appropriate moniker.

12. Van Jones (Best: Arian Foster ; Bust: Jay Cutler) – Arguably the worst drafter in the league, Mulhern had better hope for another hot start out of the gate if he wants to maintain his status of Best Overall Record. To be fair, whoever picked Cutler was getting ranked last. The Bears have looked God-awful in the preseason and its hard to trust Cutler to lead any team, fantasy or otherwise, to any kind of a playoff appearance.