Week 9 Power Rankings

In which we salute our Week 9 overlord.

1. Optimo 55 Souf (8-0-1; prev: 1)
Week 9’s victory combined with a $2 six inch loss all but sewed up the regular season title (and $440) for Mulberry. Arian Foster in the 4th round was the best pick of the draft, and there really wasn’t a close second. A testament to this team’s depth is that 4 out of 5 bench players scored in double digits. Am I trying to heap as much praise as possible in hopes of some kind of reverse jinx? Yes. Yes I am.

2. $2 six inch (6-3; prev: 2)
While Optimo has been perceived as a clear-cut #1 all season long, TVD is not far behind in total points. And while Optimo has more firepower and a higher ceiling on a week-to-week basis, $2 six inch has been more consistent, with only two weeks under 91 points all season long. Come playoff time, that consistency might help this GM shed his stigma as the Marty Schottenheimer of the league.

Pictured above: Theodore, 40 years hence.

3. WOLFPACK (5-2-2; prev: 8)
Fresh off the highest-scoring week anyone’s had all year, this GM is already getting nervous farts at the prospect of his first playoff appearance since the league’s inaugural, 8-team, Everyone-Gets-Participation-Trophies-And-Makes-The-Playoffs season.

4. Whoopass (6-3; prev: 6)
The decision to drop Aaron Hernandez in order to pick up Aaron Hernandez’s backup remains a head-scratcher. But the W’s keep piling up!

5. Top Izzos Fball Camp (5-4; prev: 4)
With five players on a bye week, was literally forced to mold his lineup together using scotch tape and yarn.

Tom Izzos Fball Camp prepares for its Week 9 matchup with Whoopass.

6. Grenade (4-5; prev: 5)
Going out on a not-very-big limb, but this is the only sub-.500 team I can see winning a playoff game. Lineup just looks so much better after the multitude of trades, and that’s not even taking into account the presence of Danny Amendola, who is just dreamy.

His business card says: "I'll call you."

7. Favre’s Flip Flops (3-4-2; prev: 3)
Had an off-week, but this GM is still destined for his first ever trip to the playoffs barring something ridiculous happening.

Five teams. One playoff spot.

8. Prone Cobras (2-5-2; prev: 9t)
Peyton Hillis and Danny Woodhead led the way in an unexpected annihilation of Favre’s Flip Flops. This is undoubtedly the first ever fantasy victory by a team with two white running backs.

9. Knight Trimark (3-6; prev: 7)
Knight Trimark (team):2010::Knight Trimark (stock):1999

Somewhere, Ryan Michael Mulhern's hard-earned TurtleWax paycheck softly weeps.

10. Curtis Enis Revival (2-6-1; prev: 9t)
Might want to quit this league and join one sponsored by the AARP: Is 2-0 against the league’s “fathers” and 0-6-1 against fellow NCHS Class of ‘02’ers.

Fellow members of Curtis Enis Revival's 2011 fantasy league plot their strategies.

11. Los Peros Grandes (4-5; prev: 11)
The self-proclaimed Bigg Dogg is behaving a bit more catlike these days.

Jeffrey Guy's sensei.

12. The IFF (2-7; prev: 12)
Can’t fault the rationale on the Rodgers trade, but it sure left the cupboard bare. Not in terrible shape from here on out, but probably has the worst odds at grabbing that last playoff spot.

Dwight Schrute opines on The IFF's quixotic playoff quest.