The Coronation of Survivor Champion Theodore Franklin Van Dorn the Third

NAPERVILLE, ILLINOIS (AP)

All hail the king!

A mere five weeks into the NFL season, we already have a Survivor champion. Six other competitors saw their picks crash and burn Sunday, leaving Theodore Franklin Van Dorn the Third as the inaugural "Survivor" champ. Van Dorn, previous fantasy GM of 2008's "PEYTON & PALS", fittingly won the title by successfully forecasting a Colts victory.

"It feels great," Van Dorn said after the last of his competitors bowed out. Van Dorn cited his off-season diet of Baked Tostitos and spoonfuls of high-fructose corn syrup which served to "sharpen [his] mind when [he] tried to pick the games."

Van Dorn conceded that if not for the fantasy league's relaxed stance regarding performance-enhancing drugs, he may have struggled to keep his physique.

Recent fiance Meghan Petterson was pleased to learn of her future husband's Survivor title, and is said to have already made plans for the $200 windfall.

Official Survivor Mother, Patty Van Dorn, was displeased to learn that her son had engaged in betting-related activities but was excited to learn he had won. She then offered sage words of advice regarding what Theodore might do with the winnings: "Just tell my son to behave, okay?"

Here's to you, Theo. Ohhhhh Be-haaaaaaaaave!

The final board:

Survivor Picks - Week Five

Relevant Games:
12:00
Chiefs at Colts
Buccaneers at Bengals

3:15
Titans at Cowboys
Chargers at Raiders

Survivor Picks - Week Four

Relevant Games:
1:00
Jets at Bills
Lions at Packers
Panthers at Saints

4:15
Colts at Jaguars
Cardinals at Chargers

Survivor Picks - Week Three

Szatko's Posthumous Survivor Entry: Tampa Bay Bucs

Week 2 Survivor - Preview

Szatko and Yours Truly bowed out pathetically in Week One. For the ten remaining Survivors, Week 2 games are listed below. A reminder that you cannot pick a team you have already picked.

Sunday
Kansas City at Cleveland (NL)
Buffalo at Green Bay (-14)
Baltimore (-2) at Cincinnati
Pittsburgh at Tennessee (-5.5)
Philadelphia (-6) at Detroit
Chicago at Dallas (-9)
Tampa Bay at Carolina (NL)
Arizona at Atlanta (-7)
Miami at Minnesota (-6)
St. Louis at Oakland (-3.5)
Seattle at Denver (-3.5)
Houston (-3) at Washington
Jacksonville at San Diego (-7)
New England (-3) at NY Jets
NY Giants at Indianapolis (-6)

Monday
New Orleans (-6) at San Francisco

Your updated Survivor Board:

Survivor Picks - Week One

Who will be lose out faster than Paris Hilton in a Chastity Contest?

Survivor Ground Rules

Hey all,

I just wanted to establish ground rules for Survivor and set a precedent for how picks will work this year. As you know you will be picking one team each week to win their game (straight up, not against the spread). You can only pick a team once, so for example, if your Week 1 pick is for the Bears to beat the Lions, you can't pick the Bears the rest of the competition. One loss and you're out (hence, "Survivor").

Each week's pick should be in my Gmail inbox by midnight Saturday, and I will post all picks to the blog sometime Sunday morning. Once I make the post, all picks contained therein are "final" and cannot be changed. Anyone who has not emailed me a selection by the time I post the group's picks will be forced to pick the Monday night game (I will make a separate post containing these "belated" picks, but let's try to avoid this).

In the event that I can't make the post prior to the noon games starting, I will call the Commish to lock in my pick, so there is never any question as to the integrity of my pick.

A reminder that the winner of Survivor nets a cool $200...

So again, email me your pick by midnight Saturday. Here are the Week 1 games along with the spreads, courtesy of Bodog (for entertainment purposes only):

Thursday
Minnesota @ New Orleans (-6)

Sunday
Carolina @ NY Giants (-7)
Miami (-3) @ Buffalo
Atlanta (-2.5) @ Pittsburgh
Detroit @ Chicago (-6.5)
Cincinnati @ New England (-4.5)
Cleveland @ Tampa Bay (-3)
Denver @ Jacksonville (-3)
Indianapolis (-2.5) @ Houston
Oakland @ Tennessee (-6)
Green Bay (-3) @ Philadelphia
San Francisco (-3) @ Seattle
Arizona (-4) @ St. Louis
Dallas (-3.5) @ Washington

Monday
Baltimore @ NY Jets (-2.5)
San Diego (-4.5) @ Kansas City