All hail the king!
A mere five weeks into the NFL season, we already have a Survivor champion. Six other competitors saw their picks crash and burn Sunday, leaving Theodore Franklin Van Dorn the Third as the inaugural "Survivor" champ. Van Dorn, previous fantasy GM of 2008's "PEYTON & PALS", fittingly won the title by successfully forecasting a Colts victory.
"It feels great," Van Dorn said after the last of his competitors bowed out. Van Dorn cited his off-season diet of Baked Tostitos and spoonfuls of high-fructose corn syrup which served to "sharpen [his] mind when [he] tried to pick the games."
Van Dorn conceded that if not for the fantasy league's relaxed stance regarding performance-enhancing drugs, he may have struggled to keep his physique.
Recent fiance Meghan Petterson was pleased to learn of her future husband's Survivor title, and is said to have already made plans for the $200 windfall.
Official Survivor Mother, Patty Van Dorn, was displeased to learn that her son had engaged in betting-related activities but was excited to learn he had won. She then offered sage words of advice regarding what Theodore might do with the winnings: "Just tell my son to behave, okay?"
Here's to you, Theo. Ohhhhh Be-haaaaaaaaave!
The final board:
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